Nana’s Favorite Pages and Blogs…

ON some o f these, there will be an actual link to a post that moved me so much at the time, it needs to be shared!  Here I go:

http://www.flaurena.com    Because Lauren’s jewelry appeals to my individualist nature.

http://www.fizgiggery.com/2011/other-mischief/nanny   I read this blog post every time the anniversary of my grandmother’s passing comes around, and it is one of the best posts I’ve ever read on any blog–anywhere!  In fact, a few years back, her blog post on “karma” got me to turn a few thoughts around in my head and get out of the correctional field.  She posts on many subjects, too! Check it out!

http://momsicle.wordpress.com/2013/02/01/caramel-apples-chocolate/  From food, to parenthood and everything in-between, including travel tips for parents of tots, this is a helluva blog…Check it out!

http://www.terribleminds.com/  Very blunt, honest and to the point–in short, when he posts about writing, he doesn’t post bullshit.

http://piperbayard.wordpress.com/2013/02/01/the-end-is-near-and-we-deserve-it-kindergartener-deemed-terrorist-threat-and-suspended/   Whether weird stories like this interest you, or historical fact, OR the impending Zombie Apocalypse–this is one cool blog!

This will be updated again I’m sure but for right now, these are my top 5. Have a great day!

Venomous Truth

How many times to we let ourselves get talked out of OUR dreams by those to whom they don’t make sense?  Seriously! Think about it.  Why are we where we are? I’ll tell you why…Because we CHOOSE to be there.  I do believe that I have set artificial limitations on myself in the past couple of years and I am about to get totally bad-ass when it comes to changing my life.   I already began the process a few months back when I kicked certain people out of my life for good. I also changed my phone number.

Now I have to set more goals.  I have to allow my ambition to move forward and will not be deterred by anyone.  Mark my word.  In 6-8 weeks, a new person will emerge around here.  I will promote those who do quality work.  I will do so unabashedly.  If people don’t like it, OH WELL.

I will not live the rest of my life for others.  This is my time and I will go where the wind blows my sails and fly to wherever my wings will lead.  I am free. That being said, I’m taking a special trip for MOI in March…Photos and such will follow.

Nana knows this much…

The woman never could understand why people search for that which is so hard to find unless they look within. No one needs to spend a fortune to seek these things out. One only needs to be willing to learn and experience it–and to be silent and listen. Each person must do this on his or her own–wherever their wings take them–and it is nothing to fear. And that person must patiently wait for the answer. Fear keeps many from finding their vision and sometimes looking for it through others can prevent it–especially if we become too dependent upon them. Others can guide us, but we must find our path ourselves, in our own way, in our own time. The process is part of the adventure, and it can be rewarding–and for her it has been.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JI2o-nxHd8

I have my mountain to which I run to, and it is where I find my solace but I plan to go to Sedona, AZ or to Pecos, NM for a retreat at some point. There is strength in silence and beauty in places where nature can speak to us.  That being said, I hope you all have a great weekend.

 

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Unusual Truth–Nana

You have beaten me yet I do smile

You have berated me but I still laugh

You have misjudged me and I have survived

You have bound me but never have found me

You have misused me yet I have prevailed

You have discarded me-the stone left unturned.

 

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Nana Had A Somewhat Inspirational Thought…

 

If I had a knack for beading or making jewelry, this little creature is a wonderful inspiration for a necklace! I just had to share this! This is a rainbow seahorse and it is endangered. I never saw one before either! He’s a beauty isn’t he? Enjoy!

 

I am not particularly talented when it comes to making things. I don’t cook well. I can draw a little and I write.  I am good with ideas though.  I am hoping some enterprising jewelry maker/crafting addict will make a necklace inspired by this little guy!  He could be silver with cz or aurora borealis and rainbow stones in it or something.  As stated in the caption, this rainbow seahorse is an endangered species. What do you all think?  I hope you all have a beautiful day! I enjoyed time with my grandson!

My son made a wonderful dinner for us all and I noticed that my grandson, although he’s only 2 months old has a GREAT right hook!  He takes that fist and bats at those toys on his busy gym like they are nothing! LOL!

All in all I realized how truly blessed I am today. I’d rather be right here right now than EVER be 21 again–guaranteed!  I feel more alive right now than I’ve felt in 5 years!  I also have a better outlook on life in general and on the future.  If you are down today, I hope you find some inspiration also! Maybe this post will help someone else find a ray of light!  Have a great one!

 

 

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A Day in the Hood–the Nanahood…And Some Deep Thinking…

As a grandparent I get a huge kick out of my grandson, Little Kevin…Here’s a new pic:

Is the guy rockin’ or what?!

That being said something crossed my mind the other day…Aging…That’s right…Aging…NO I’m not depressed about turning 50 later this year or anything, but I am concerned as to what would become of me should Alzheimer’s ever touch my life directly.  I had an aunt that suffered from it and it was horrible.

Aside from that, I am an avid movie lover and music lover and I truly hope to instill that in this little man! After all, children are the future are they not?

That being said there is a movie coming out that is on my mind heavily…It is going to be a wonderful film called “Posey”.

Here is the link to the FB page for this movie and please go click “like” and share it…I feel this will be an important picture this year: https://www.facebook.com/Poseythemovie While there, check out those pics! They are outstanding!

This movie stars Sally Kirkland and Christopher Pennock, who is another cool actor that some of you may know from the original Dark Shadows series, where he played Jeb Hawkes! He is  currently working on “The Dresser” at the Actor’s Studio, which will open in LA in early October.   Also, “The Four Horsemen” will start shooting again too! He also says that he’s recording the new Dark Shadows Audiodrama with Kathryn Leigh Scott…”Sebastian Shaw re-emerges in the Funny Farm!” is how he describes this.

However, this movie is probably going to be an important stepping stone in the careers of both Ms. Kirkland and Mr. Pennock.  Alzheimer’s is a horrible disease.  It literally robs us of our loved ones while living–bit by bit.  My grandson’s paternal great-grandmother has a brain disorder that affects her much the same way, and it is truly  a shame. One day she may know my ex-husband  and the next day she may not.  Sometimes she remembers my sons. As to whether or not she will comprehend being a great-grandmother remains to be seen.

I also had an aunt who suffered from Alzheimer’s that didn’t even recognize her husband who could be standing less than 4 feet away from her…I’ll never forget that either. She would put on lipstick, and then 5 minutes later put on more thinking she hadn’t done it yet…She also cursed like a sailor at times, which was sad because she never cursed prior to the onset of the disease.  Slowly it took her from us all.  And then one day I got word that her husband had passed away. She never realized it. Then one day, she was also gone.  Sad…People who have this, die alone even when loved ones are there and they are aware of someone’s presence. They seem to be trapped in their own world, in their own mind.

That is why this movie is important…It is important because one day my family may be faced with putting me into an assisted living facility or a nursing home.  This is the issue faced in the film…The disease is frightening enough for the family members faced with having to care for the victim of this disease, but for the family member who suffers from it–it can be twice as devastating…Here is why the film is important–straight from the Facebook page:

“…The film seeks to examine the seeming hopelessness of the disease and the fear from both the victim and their families, while at the same time finding hope and humor. The film is supported by the Alzheimer’s Association http://www.alz.org/  and a portion of the profits from the film will be donated to help fund research for this devastating illness…”

The film is not yet listed on IMDB but it should be…This could be one of the most important films to début this year.  I also feel that this role could get Ms. Kirkland a much deserved statue for a job well done without even seeing a trailer yet.  Seeing Christopher Pennock play opposite her is going to be a treat for this viewer as well. Now here is the synopsis–again from the Facebook page:

“…POSEY is the story of Linda Flemming, played by Erica Rhodes (A Prairie Home Companion, Killer Eye, Plague Town) who must make the heartbreaking decision to take her grandmother, Posey (Academy Award nominee and Golden Globe Winner Sally Kirkland), to a retirement home. Posey suffers from the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s Disease, and in a desperate move to avoid the inevitable, she escapes. While her loved ones desperately search for her, Posey finds herself in the middle of a unique situation…one that will change her outlook on her future profoundly…”

I know that the very fact that someone cares enough to make the movie has changed mine.  I will support this film with all I’ve got and I hope that others will follow suit. Thank you so much for your time.  As I said, this could be one of the most important films to come out this year.

Nanahood Resolutions….

 

The time has come for change.  For one, I am cleaning up the blog.  While I do have a strange outlook on some things, I realize that it is because the people that were around me at the time left me rather jaded in thought. I tended to put everything into these neat little boxes of my mind and I  would compartmentalize them so that if someone or something did not make sense to me, they ended up there–my virtual “cornfield”.

Either way, it is time to change my attitude, my life and possibly (after the grandson comes) the latitude. I can no longer hide here. I am going to branch out. I’m getting back to the writing basics again…My family matters. My grand kids matter. This crap about holing up and only talking to a few select people is over.

If I get stuck, I go back to Lauren Vasil’s blog,  www.fizgiggery.com  for some inspiration…Or to Momsicle’s blog…Given the recent post on the little blue dot in Lauren’s blog, I decided that although we’ll probably never see space travel in our lifetime, it would be nice to be able to see places like this from a ship!

It looks almost like something you’d see in a video game or in sci-fi doesn’t it? It’s actually a view of the Carina Nebula from the hubble telescope. I really do consider space to be the “Ultimate Wonder”. It is infinite and timeless.

However since time tends to be somewhat of an enemy, it is best to concentrate on things that I would like to see here–like the world we live on.  Maybe someday I will get to do that.  The thought crosses my mind every time I look at my poster that I made.  I’ll put it up here on my next post, but I really want to position myself better than where I am now. I want to be an inspiration to my grand kids–and to teach them that there is much more to the world than what is right in front of them.  I hope that makes sense to you. It does to me.   It may be time to simply go forth and expand my horizons.  Have a great week!

 

Nanahood–What part is this?! Everything’s Here–Including My Bout with Postpartum Depression…

Okay…Here’s the latest! I went to the baby shower for my first grandson who should make his début kicking and screaming sometime next month.  I say that because if he is anything like Kevin Sr., we’re in for a ride, that’s for sure…Kevin (MY SON) had a set of lungs on him that could have been classified as ear-splitting wmd’s and hopefully my grandsons will have those too! I can handle that noise but I can’t say the same about people who like to honk their horns when I’m trying to SLEEP…

I already gave both grandsons “the lecture” too.  “Don’t be a corrections officer.  Go to College. DO something with your life.” and that was it.  I didn’t add the “…if you don’t go to college.” bit at the end of that.  I guess I should have…Well, they’ll get another lecture anyway.

I find myself remembering when I had my 3 sons.  Eric is a first time dad and Laura is a first time mom…The first time the kid sleeps all night, they’ll both be up checking to see if the little guy is breathing.  I think we ALL go through that when they sleep all night at first. Then there are those growth spurts (if either of them nurse) where the baby will want to eat every 30 mins for a week or so, and it will drive ‘em mad because they’ll think the baby’s not getting enough milk, when he is…He just eats more often during a growth spurt.  In case some of these anti-breast feeding nurses end up coming at you, remember one thing:  get as much of the areola into the baby’s mouth as you can.  That way you don’t get sore nipples. Yes, those nurses are still out there and they don’t want to let me hear their BS about why formula is better either.

Hopefully, neither of the girls will go through the postpartum depression crap.   It does exist and Tom Cruise is a total idiot for trying to act like he knows something about it when he doesn’t know jack.  He’s not a doctor and if there is one thing that makes me mad it’s when someone tries to play “armchair expert” at something they have NO experience with.  He hasn’t lived those remarks to Brooke Shields down yet, either.

I had postpartum depression with Eric so I KNOW it’s real and I wish it on NOBODY.  I would cry and cry thinking that I had to be doing something wrong. At one point, except to feed Eric and change his diaper and such, I stayed in bed for 2 days straight. Found out later what caused Eric’s crying for hours was severe colic.  Dad stepped in several times during that point because I went through it for about 4 months until my hormonal imbalance (which creeped up on me) was straightened out. I wouldn’t eat for 2 days or so (something my sister didn’t know about but Dad did), and at other times I’d totally zone out. My dad and I became close again after I had my kids, and I am grateful that in hindsight, I can see that he knew what to do!  He had me tell my doctor when he took me to the base one day. When they did the blood-work, my hormone levels after 2 weeks were still all jacked around at levels that resulted in my getting more blood-work each month.  Ironically, I didn’t go through it with Brian or Kevin.

Either way that shit is real and anyone who says it doesn’t exist has his/her head up their fanny. It’s that simple. I hope if either girl goes through that they’ll get in touch with me or their mom…Why? Because most men just don’t get it. Seriously! Kevin would be so freaked out if Daphne went through it he’d be beside himself.  That’s the NEXT discussion I’m having with him by the way. He needs to know what to watch for.  To be honest, I didn’t realize I had it–I just thought I was losing my marbles and doing everything wrong.  No matter how reassuring Dad was and such–I could not pull myself up by the bra straps and get my head out of my fanny either, so the doctors were really cool about addressing it.  My main one told me that once my hormone levels went back to normal I’d be fine and it sometimes takes more than 2-3 months…Well, that’s what happened, but it actually took 4 months with me.  Going back to work helped some, but I wore my mask well.  I didn’t let it show, but Dad knew…Seriously…Couldn’t hide shit from the man…

There is just something about that father-daughter bond that never goes away regardless of what goes down…I miss that guy…AGAIN.  I’m sure he’s laughing because all the weird stuff happens with me…When I had Kevin, he called to tell my niece had been born. Her name is Chelsea…I went to the bathroom, sat on the toilet and my water broke. I called him back and said, “Well Dad, your grandson is on his way!”  He laughed so hard and said, “Well the strange stuff always happens with you.”  I wasn’t about to disagree because the pattern never changed. Seriously…I mean look at this chapter of my life–Nana getting the double whammy–TWO grandsons that will be about 2-3 weeks apart! How often does that happen? Better yet, what are the odds of  moms having kids on their birthdays? I’ve done that too!

By the time Eric was 4 months old, and under the docs care, I was back to normal.  Thank you Dad…At least the girls know if they need a breather, I’ll have a twin stroller and a crib at the house.  First thing’s first. I’m buying a big refrigerator. Something tells me I’m gonna need it–just like SOMETHING told me not to go to China when the opportunity came up.

Well I am SERIOUSLY hoping for some rain today. We certainly need it!  Have a great week everyone and enjoy this pick of Daphne and the best creative work I have seen from a teenager! Gives you an idea of what name they are considering for Grandson #1 (said in Charlie Chan voice)!

There were tons of gifts inside of this thing! The girl who made this should market these! They are great! Those are rolled up disposable diapers set in tiers and the compartment inside holds a LOT of stuff! This is my favorite pic from the baby shower! LOVE YA Daphne!

In What Colors Do You Dream?

Sounds silly doesn’t it?  Maybe it is but we all have our quirks and perks.  Some of us even slide into pulling into our shells from time to time because we are safer there. It is when I am in my shell, as I am at the moment that I begin to ask myself what it is I really want? What color do I want my life to be?  Blue is beautiful, yet almost as somber as black depending on the shade.  I love how the rain, lightning and thunder mixes with that–and there are many times I have felt safer in the storm than out of it.

Nobody can understand that thought either. I hear that life cannot be a “color” but who is it that makes these bloody rules?  I know that there are those times when I rant about some things, but they DO make some sense to me.  The color on those days is not a basic crayon red but more of that of arterial blood–my blood, which I once saw after being viciously bitten once.  That was a scary experience–combined with  yellow, which is often associated with fear but not canary yellow…Oh no…It’s more of a pastel because while there is some fear in my hesitation,  that part does not last long.

Then there is my mountain which ranges from brown to green, with various sprinkles of color throughout depending on my journey.  It calms and blends all those other colors.  It is said that we all bleed red but the road is red also.  That blood that dripped from me then is now part of that road for real.  So what color should I dream in?  Should it be the mixture of blues and greys of a summer rain long anticipated, or should I start to dream of greens and such?

Better yet here is a question for you.  What is the color of love?  Does any emotion have a color?  I thought I knew love but I didn’t until now.  It embraces me when I close my eyes. It chases me when I would rather be alone.  It really never gives up on me, so the Universe must know something that I don’t.  However, I don’t let it consume me.  I cannot let it possess me. It opens me back up to yellow all over again…This time the same shade of yellow as that wallpaper that Charlotte Perkins Gillman wrote about. I have heard that love is insane.  Time will tell won’t it?

What color is insanity?  Is it bold and bright or pastels and subdued?  Are the artists and dreamers really the mad ones or is the rest of the world the color of–well what color could the word “fucked” be?

Sometimes it can be the dark hues of “The Awakening” by Kate Chopin or “The Bell Jar” by Sylvia Plath.  All of these colors I am looking into–but if love has a color–I fear letting it become a force to drive me out of this comfort zone–this solitude I am now in for the rest of the week.  As long as I don’t slip into the darkness of a murky river with grey stones to weigh me down, I guess I am doing fine.  That color keeps chasing me–especially when I dream–but should I dream it at all?  Is it white and pure or is it the color of the bruises that I once had upon my heart?

I do know this much–it does have different types and degrees–some true and some false.  How does one know the difference in their heart? Does the  Universe say to trust it, or to think before deciding?   I’m not trying so hard now.  Maybe it is not a color but a vibration.  If I figure this out, I’ll discuss that later.  But for now, in what colors do you dream?  I think I’ll enjoy these colors for a while:

Solitude with peace…This is where love might find me–if I let it.

I will stop this now.  I would rather dream the colors of my mountain and the colors of the new chapter in my life about to open.  Something is on the horizon–and it will be to my benefit.   In what colors do you dream?

Another Empty Space…

Everywhere I look for you an empty space is there…Whether it’s the empty living room spot where you might appear, or your place in my new home where you should be…I would give anything to hear your voice one more time right now.  Years ago I saw you for the last time, and my love for you stands to this day.

I believe a lot of people try to fill their empty spaces with many, many things…

Some use relationships–but I don’t need a romantic interest to validate who I am.

Some use alcohol, which numbs the pain, but that space they long to fill is still empty.

Some use drugs, yet the pain is always there–only seeming to be more intensified.

Some use holy roads, but there are so many to choose from, so I wonder if there is a ‘right’ one at times.

Some use power, but that is because they lost their way, and the space is never filled.

Some use money, but it will not buy anything fit to fill that vacancy left in the wake of your going.

Some use possessions, as if one thing can truly replace the spirit that once inhabited that space.

I choose to reserve that space. Even if it remains unfilled, for it is not as though anything else could replace you.

Freedom puts my faith in what you left behind, and believe me, that legacy is a rich one.

Wisdom does dictate that I can create a new space for a new entity–but the Universe would really need to move a bit.

 

Have a great week!

 

The Aurora Borealis appeared in Nebraska in 2006….It is one of the wonders I wish to see!