Well everyone, without further adieu, Nana is getting some sleep! I had a big day and came home to a ton of laundry to do! LOL! I got it finished-finally! I got called at 1:20 yesterday morning and 12 hours later, the little guy arrived!
Well everyone, without further adieu, Nana is getting some sleep! I had a big day and came home to a ton of laundry to do! LOL! I got it finished-finally! I got called at 1:20 yesterday morning and 12 hours later, the little guy arrived!
I am not expecting a grandchild…I’m expecting TWO! I am a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I feel kind of torn. All I can say is, the 2nd one will probably be here two to three weeks after the first one and I have massive planning to do…I was almost to a point where I could plan around one–but two that close together? Oh boy…I always said if it’s weird or unusual it will happen around here when I’m around…
I can get to the front of the checkout line at Wal~Mart and the power will go dead–among other things. Can someone send me a bottle of Hendrick’s Gin? I could really use a few mixed drinks about now…I know this much–better those girls than moi! Now I’ve got to figure out the Holidays every year all over again–and it’s going to be weird…
Then I hear the youngest really leaning toward naming his son AFTER another family member. To me this is a big no-no. I don’t go for that. It’s just a thing with me that it seems rather silly to give a child a name they’d have to live up to–or one he or she would end up changing as an adult because he/she hates how it sounds–or he/she simply didn’t like the story behind it… A child’s name is to be something taken very seriously. It is something they will own, and the responsibility should not be taken lightly.
I held my babies for a bit before I could even begin to come up with a name. Then when I did, it just felt right. Sure I pondered several but the names REALLY came to me when I held them…It was the most awesome feeling to look into the child’s eyes and know I picked the right name, even though my middle son doesn’t like the meaning of his. Oh well…Such is life. He can get over it.
Picking names for a baby is not that hard, but some people make it a chore. I think my way is the better one. I never needed a baby name book either….
We are about to watch the month of May 2012 flow gracefully (or not so gracefully) into History. There has been some much-needed rain out here and I hope we get more, but here is what is going down.
I am moving into a new house. My son Kevin and his girlfriend Daphne are moving into a bigger house since the baby will be here before we know it. My son, since he can’t work has stayed up at night playing video games–which can be quite entertaining if someone ever gag tapes him and puts that on YouTube in order to teach him a lesson or two!
If anyone wants to see that boy pop a gasket, just wait for some idiot with a Nazi flag to show up in the game and he will emit a list of vernacular phrases so long that it will make some of the drill sergeants I’ve seen look like choir boys! All I can say is that I sincerely hope that the baby doesn’t get kicked out of day care by the time he’s 18 months old due to the broad vocabulary he might hear from my son after his birth because if that happens, Daphne will kill Kevin!
For now it’s almost funny but the more I think on it–I seriously hope Kevin calms down when he’s gaming for the sake of the baby! I told Daphne to look at the bright side of things. If he’s already going to be up at night–then he can help take care of the baby…However changing a diaper might pose a problem since he suffers from Game Controller Hand Lock Syndrome! He won’t be able to release the game controller! In fact, if Daphne has to kill him it may have to pried from his cold, dead hands!
Deep down though, I hope that I can be half the grandmother figure in my grandson’s life that my Grannie Ainsworth was in mine. Barring my cooking skills, or should I say the lack thereof, I think that my cookies will past muster with the little guy when he’s older. However, I’ll never be able to make tea cakes like she did…Kevin and I were discussing this over Mother’s Day dinner. He can definitely cook, so he did not get that skill from yours truly, that’s for sure! He might have gotten that knack from Grannie! That gives me hope that my grandson will inherit that same gift and thus be able to survive! Anyway, have a great week!
It was quiet for the rest of the afternoon around the house. Felicia went into the front yard and sat on a bench outside by the front sidewalk. The sun was peeking out from behind a few clouds that were beginning to disperse. She then pulled out a book and began to read it when a young man was walking by. He was a sandy-haired young man in his late 20′s. To Felicia he was gigantic, however he did stand at around 6’2″.
“Daddy isn’t coming home.” she told him.
“Oh love…I’m sorry. I’ve come at a bad time and I was going to invite your family to our housewarming–”
“I don’t know what a housewarming is. It can’t be cold in there.” she said.
“Well,” he said as he smiled slightly at her response, ” it is actually a get together neighbors have when a new person moves into the area–it’s like a party.”
“I don’t know if a party is a good idea now.” she told him.
“But why Felicia?” he asked.
A tear escaped her eyes.
“Everyone is really sad right now. Daddy died in the war and I don’t remember him. He went away when I was a baby.” she told him.
“Oh my. I am so sorry. I’ll come back at another time, alright.,” he said to her as he came inside the gate and knelt to be at eye level with her, “But my father did say to give you this book. If your family needs anything, please let me know.”
“Thank you. I forgot your name, I’m sorry–”
“It is Stephan. I’ll see you later, okay?” he said.
“Okay. Thank you for the book. I’ll read it.” she said.
Stephan stood back up and Ida appeared at the door. ”Is there something I can help you with, young man?” she asked.
He went to the door and introduced himself. When Ida realized that he was their new neighbor–along with this father, whom Felicia had already met, she invited him in.
They talked for a few minutes and he did take her up on her offer of muffins and coffee. Annie did not come downstairs. Ida then explained that although Michael had been missing since Felicia was a baby, she was concerned at the impact that knowing he was never going to return would have on the child.
“I’ve worked with a lot of children, and I think she will surprise you. She is very bright and resilient.” he told her.
“Why thank you,” Ida said, “You’ll also find that she has a very large imagination when things get back to normal.”
“Oh yes! She already told me of the white alligator! It is actually a fascinating folk tale. There is an old Indian in town that told me of it two days ago. I tend to think that he actually believes it!” he grinned.
“Big Bear. He’s a full-blooded Lakota Sioux Indian and he always looks out for Felicia when we go into town. He tells her all kinds of stories and tales, but she loves the one about that alligator! Big Bear can see things sometimes. He told me when Felicia turned one that her father would not be found alive. I didn’t want to believe him either–for my daughter’s sake.” Ida told him.
“Well, I thank you for your hospitality but I must really be running along now. I am truly sorry for your loss. If you need anything let us know. I’d like to know when the service is if that is alright. My father and I will be there for your family.” he said.
“Why thank you. I’ll let you know Mr.–”
“Just call me Stephan.” he said as they went to the door. Felicia thanked him again for the book and went quickly upstairs. She laid the book on her bed and looked at Michael’s picture.
“Grandma was right. You really aren’t coming back. I’m sorry, Daddy. I’ll see if I can find the alligator another day so Mommy will be happy again. I’ll still talk to you though. I promise.” she said as yet a few more tears welled up in her eyes. It was becoming real to her now. She took his picture to the bed and set it next to her pillow. She then fell asleep.
Meanwhile, Stephan went back to his house. The painters were painting the outside a very pale bluish-grey color. It was at that point his father, Jack, stepped outside. He then went to the mailbox as Stephen approached.
“Well where have you been off to? I got three phone calls from different schools already.” Jack said.
“Then I’ll call them back, Dad. It’s not a big deal.” Stephan smiled.
“Was that little girl home today? She hasn’t been by and she usually comes by just to see what your old man is tearing apart!” he grinned.
“Dad, Felicia may not be around for a bit.” Stephan told him solemnly.
“What on Earth do you mean? She didn’t get into some kind of trouble or anything–”
“No, Dad…Her father was killed in the war. Her grandmother told me that he had been missing since she was a baby but this has to be devastating for her.” he said.
“I am sure that it is. Just let me know when the services are. Does Felicia have a mother? Jack asked.
“Yes but I have not met her. I only know because her grandmother, Ida, explained that she hasn’t left her room.” Stephan said.
“Damned dreadful.” Jack said as he went back to the house. Stephan could see Felicia’s house from the curb.
“Poor kid.” he said to himself. He then got into his own car and headed into town. He remembered how distant he felt from Jack after his own mother died when he was 8. He thought it was totally heartless to not shed tears, but then one night a month later, he got up to go to the bathroom and saw Jack talking to her picture as rain was pounding the roof.
“God I miss you, Kate.,” he began as a tear did escape his eyes, “I cannot let him see me like this. He’ll think I am weak. The truth is, I don’t know how to do anything the way that you did. I was always a man’s man, but you had a way with kids that I just do not have. Your mother suggested that I read him stories and such and I will try that, but I can never be you. I love that boy with my life and I’m so afraid to let him see what I feel. I want him to be strong–and I am not.”
“Dad, you’re a lot stronger than you think. I found that out when I broke my leg that summer playing football.” Stephan thought to himself as he pulled into the store. Big Bear, who stood at 6′ 4″ was sitting on a stump beside the door. Stephan got out of his car, a brand new Chevy Volt and was about to enter when Big Bear uttered:
“Felicia will unite this place. You are good with her. That will bring you great reward.” he said.
“Okay. Thank you–”
“No need. You do it, not me. You see things that she sees. You understand her. Other grown ups do not, but they will. Through her eyes, this town will be strong again.” he said.
“I’ll be right back, Big Bear.” Stephan said, still unsure of what to think of this.
“I know. You will by eggs, milk, bread, meat and more candy for Felicia.” he said.
“How did you–”
“Dropped your list. Felicia likes those home-made lemon drops. She’s allergic to nutmeg though so steer clear of Emma’s grab bag. Makes the girl break out in hives.” Big Bear said as he picked it up off of the ground and handed it to him.
“Thank you.” Stephan grinned.
“You are welcome. You and your father will both learn much from her.” he said.
Stephan really wasn’t sure how to handle what Big Bear told him, but several of his neighbors told him that they always go to him when they need advice.
Meanwhile, his father, Jack sat at the kitchen table scratching his head. He was grateful that he and Stephan were close, but was even more grateful that he learned that tears were not a weakness before it was too late. He opened up his brown leather wallet and looked at a picture inside. It was one of himself, his wife Kate, and of Stephan when he was a baby. His eyes got misty as he talked to it…
“You would be proud of him Kate. He has grown into a strong man with a big heart–just as you had hoped. He still has to put up with the old man being himself though. We still have that piano and the drum set. I still have the jewelry. I couldn’t part with it. Maybe one day our son will have a daughter but who knows? I often wonder how things might have been had you been here today. No one could ever begin to understand me as you did…” he mused as the phone rang. His brother from Surrey was calling…
Jack talked to his brother Ike for a long time. 45 minutes had passed when he looked up at the clock…”Just like his mother…Shops until he’s broke or talks until his tongue falls out!” he laughed.
Stephan picked up the items on his list and then walked back over to Big Bear.
“You think I’m crazy but I’m not. I see things. Felicia needs a real hero. You’re it.” he said.
“I hardly know her–”
“The spirits say you will save her. They don’t lie. They say your father will learn to dream again too.” he said.
“Well I appreciate your thoughts.” Stephan said as he went for the car.
“And she’ll love the book.” he replied. This really threw Stephan off. Only he and his father knew of it.
Stephan’s thoughts were on Felicia all the way back to his house. He felt her emptiness. He felt her pain. He was determined to speak with Jack about it as well.
As he pulled into the drive, the sun was still shining down on the neighborhood since it had cleared up. Since Jack insisted on having the painters out, he was grateful that it didn’t mist or rain. When he walked in, he noticed Jack had fallen asleep while in his recliner so he quietly carried in the groceries and put them away. He then went outside and called the numbers to the three schools Jack had written for him. He then looked over at the stove and noticed that his mother’s favorite tea kettle was on the counter beside it. He then looked over to the left and saw her favorite biscuit jar too–one she picked up when they went to Japan one year for a visit…She loved cranes and it had pictures of cranes on it.
He smiled and looked back at his father. “Dad you always strive to keep her alive around here. I suppose that’s good, but I’m grown now so should you decide to put out those beer steins out she didn’t like, I’ll think you want her to come back to haunt you!” he said softly as he remembered how mad his mother got at Jack for gambling to win them. She found out that they were worth a lot of money later and decided maybe she should leave him be over it. These spats always gave Stephan a laugh or two as a child.
As much joy as I have over a grandson coming into this world, something happened this week that raised the hairs on my head and made me have one of my “moments”…It was a moment in that I was so mad, I just wanted to lash out at someone I perceived was being total dipstick. WARNING: IF you are sensitive to graphic descriptions, skip down to the 4th paragraph now.
As some know, my son Kevin was hurt in an oil-rig mishap yesterday. He has to follow-up with a doctor. He has abdominal bruising and muscle injuries but no broken bones (Thank God!). He found out very quickly that his mama is very protective and if she perceives that someone is not following safety protocols she gets all bent out of shape…OUT of shape enough to tell off his bosses. When I saw the awful bruising and swollen places where he landed when thrown on the platform today, I almost totally blew because they allowed him to leave the rig with his brother rather than call an ambulance.
Here’s the catch. Kevin told them he was going to have Eric take him because if he waited on the ambulance he might have died. Seriously…After thinking for a few moments, I realized that he was right and calmed down. Kevin said he honestly thought one or two of his organs got knocked through his abdominal wall and was trying to hold them in! I was not told this by any of my sons when he was first taken. I later learned this was like blood pockets from bruising but some things show up later rather than sooner so he is going to follow-up.
I am sorry to be so graphic but as I heard this, he also made a statement that almost made me cry. “Mama…When I landed and saw how it looked, my first thoughts when to my unborn son.” I didn’t cry when he said it, but I had those thoughts as well as I waited to hear word on his condition. Seeing his injuries made me stop and take a deep breath.
As a sergeant in corrections, we played “What if?” games to prepare for certain things. I realize whether my son made it nor not, I am responsible for Daphne and this baby–not to mention the other three children because he is the only father figure they have really known. I do feel they are going to see a big difference in his outlook on life after this incident. I do not have much, but they are my family too, and if it is within my power, they will be taken care of–especially if anything were to ever happen to my son.
I am so grateful that he was spared. His job is a dangerous one. This is the 2nd time he’s been hurt and since he is my youngest, it scared the living hell out of me. I also learned that this young man has gone through some emotional growth since he found out that he is going to be a father. I saw the look in his eyes as he told me how his thoughts went to the baby. To see a father so deeply love his own unborn child moves me in ways that he cannot even imagine. I won’t cry in front of him but I did later.
This baby is one lucky boy. He is going to have a devoted and loving dad, and this mother is very proud of her youngest son–even if she wishes he could go back to college rather than risk his life any further.
I think that Kevin also learned that he is still the youngest and is always going to be the baby of this family. This family pulls together. This family will take care of its own. I can be over an hour away, but I will get there when I am needed. I am proud of his brothers for rallying around him. I know in my heart now that if push comes to shove, they will be there for one another–even when the day comes that I am gone and can no longer be there for them. That gives me some peace of mind.
Goodnight all! Have a link on me!
This is a beautiful Native American number and I find it highly peaceful and comforting right now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTri6Rf4rVU&list=PL1371296F1DB8A173&index=14&feature=plpp_video
I am deeply disturbed at the lack of coverage on this issue. It seems that at this time of year, especially when people are experiencing difficulty, friends and family seem to not realize that what is going on when people get snappy or unhappy it is due to Holiday Depression. There is pressure to get and make that perfect dinner–get gifts for Christmas, make the shopping on Nov 25th of this year, etc…Imagine what it could for me having wrecked my car recently, going into debt with 3 birthdays coming up during this time–Eric’s (my oldest is also on Nov 25th (my birthday also), Brian’s is Dec 17th and Kevin’s is Nov 29th…
The running joke is that I am freaking broke from Oct.-Jan!
I am not depressed, though. Far from it. I am grateful that I have a family who is always there for me and for an employer that totally rocks! Yes, I took a pay cut when I quit the Texas Dept. of Criminal Justice in 2010, and have no regrets. The pay cut was well worth it. I am concerned for someone I know who seems to be sad this time of year and going through so much. I am also concerned for a family that lost two loved ones in a fire last night.
Look, I’m not here to preach, but if you are worried about finances, the first thing you should do is simply NOT spend money on items for others that you can barely afford, if at all. This marketing ploy drives me nuts every year. You will find that many relatives and friends love home-made candy and gifts as opposed to the cheap crap that we get into our stores now. My sister makes us fudge and other candies and we LOVE IT! Nothing can beat that!
Although I don’t have as much since I took that pay cut, I have more than most. I have my family, my dog, a blog I read faithfully that always inspires me to keep my head out of my backside and keep remembering that doors always open where others close. Sometimes we end up in a place where we are not happy at the moment, but we have to be there for a reason. We have to follow our intuition and simply go to where we may fear to tread from time to time. When we reach that destination we so felt a strong need to go to, sometimes things do not go as planned. We don’t get that job or the place we want right away–but we must learn to be still and silent. We must wait.
The latter part of that is the hardest part of all. It is especially hard when in that stillness we hear the echoes of loved ones telling us things that were so important to them, but seem lost in the time since their passing. We try to apply this to ourselves, but it is not something that can be forced as much as it can be allowed to enter us and embrace us. I can remember the last conversation I had with my father and grandfather one day before their passing. Each call ended with “I love you.” This means so much more to me than people know. Even today I can hear them say those words to me when I am feeling like a broken china doll, and it calms my spirit.
I remember going to the ocean in Monterrey, California after my grandfather died. I felt a release and a comfort there as I said my good-bye to him while allowing the waters of the Pacific Ocean to lap over my feet and feeling the breeze blow through my hair. It was then I felt that “embrace” (as I call it) and knew that this was meant to be and that he was no longer suffering. There is a song Carly Simon wrote and sang after losing her mother that seems to sum up a lot of what I feel right now, and I think it will help those who have lost someone close to them also. It is called “Like a River”…Watch the video here:
I was raised as a Baptist. I don’t go to church, but I do know it says in the bible that when we die, we become as angels. If that is so, then that explains this…Maybe our loved ones never truly leave us. Whether we call this simply “the Universe”, “God“, “Ronald McDonald” or whatever, something seems to be embracing us and trying to gently tell us that all will be alright–if we be still, listen and wait–and then trust that this entity will take care of us if we simply trust in it just enough to know that it is not out there to hurt us or make bad things happen–but to help us endure the stuff that comes at us from all directions and drives us mad from time to time.
Sometimes those angels sent to help us are not in our memories and such, but in those around us that we would least likely expect. Sometimes it helps me just to get out and visit new places and meet new people that I interview. At other times, like when the sun comes up, I will be on my mountain, allowing whatever meets me there to embrace me and calm my spirit to get through the day once again. However, lately my angels have come in the form of those whose blogs I read that remind me that life is not something to be taken for granted.
I have also learned to embrace the child I once was, let her go and forgive those who hurt me. Those who know me know what I am referring to, and it was a long, hard process–and to those who saw it and felt helpless, don’t worry. I am fine. I am a new person and once I was able to throw off the baggage, I was fine. I would not trade one second of my life for anyone else’s because I have learned to embrace things as they are and be happy. As I said, I have much to be thankful for, and will continue to keep those who are feeling so down in my thoughts because I KNOW without a doubt things will turn around for them.
This Holiday Season, no matter what is going around us, even if all we have is a fried chicken from Wal~Mart, instant potatoes, canned green beans and some type of sweet to eat–we should be thankful that we are there together to enjoy each other for another day–another moment. Sometimes all people have to give one another is the loving hug each morning and those 3 words called “I love you”–but to receive these one more time is greater than any gift in the universe if you stop and think about it.
Money buys turkey, presents, and a lot of other stuff–but it never guarantees love and happiness. Perhaps that is what confuses me so. I never really could understand how people can allow themselves to fall into the trap of defining themselves by what they have instead of their inner gifts that the universe gave them–the ability to make someone laugh even if they are having a rough day, a sense of humor to carry them through the rough times (like we have had in Texas with these wildfires all damned year!), It is funny that those who have the least are the ones who are always ready to give the most, too.
Now go give someone a hug and tell them you love them–even if it’s your dog or cat! Then dry your eyes and look around you. It is never as bad as you think it is. Tomorrow is always a new day and it will get better…Take care and have a great week! ;-)
My father entered the US Army Air Corps at the age of 17–having lied about his age to get in (according to what he told me). He, like my son Brian, had no idea what awaited him. Like his grandson, he saw combat, had some of his friends die (at times in front of him) and missed many holidays, birthdays and anniversaries with this family as he did two tours in Viet Nam and one in Korea.
Veterans Day has a special meaning for me. It is the time I take to remember all that was good and right and pay reverence to those family members of mine who served and are no longer with me. I miss my father very much, and although Brian is with me, I miss the young man I sent off on the bus a few years ago.
Both were wounded in the line of duty like so many others before and since…Dad carried his scars and such as does Brian.
To those of you who are serving our country right now, thank you so much for your service. For those families who have lost service member(s), my heart goes out to you all. May all of our men and women in uniform stay safe and come back home to us!