I know this sounds bleak in a title, but it really isn’t. It isn’t fatalistic either. Is it just possible that we spend so much time trying to work on others that we forget where our focus really SHOULD be? I think so. That is why I opt for brutal honesty. I know I can’t change a damned thing about the past or the future because those are two things I cannot control, but I can control how I react when put in a certain spot.
I nearly got killed tonight. No kidding. Some bonehead decided to slam his brake when NOTHING was in front of his vehicle. My son was driving and we were going the speed limit (75 mph). He swerved to the right and fish-tailed. ”Ease up on the brake and stay calm.” Shit! I don’t know how that came out of my mouth, but it did. He swerved again to the right and fish-tailed again, then over corrected. This resulted in being spun around across the freeway and landing in the median. He tried to start the car and it wouldn’t start. “Brian, put it in park.” Once he did, it ran fine. No damage to the vehicle and more importantly none to us or my dog!
I don’t know HOW I managed to stay calm during that crap, but I was shook up when it was over. I said, “Let’s get the hell out of this ditch and go home!” and we did. It was a miracle that he didn’t hit another vehicle, and more importantly, that we are alive. He was laughing a few minutes later, and made a comment about reliving “Too Fast and Too Furious”…
I looked at him and said, “Brian, that is not funny to me.” I think he was just grateful that we were alive and that is how he handled being shook up.
Either way it could have turned out very differently. Brian and I are working hard on improving from within, and then this happens. It just goes to show that in an instant, the world can be changed for our loved ones. When we got to Kevin’s house (my other son), I gave him his birthday presents and hugged my daughter-in-law and my son. I held onto my grandson for a bit as well. Let’s just say it gave me a new perspective on things this time of year, but in the end, are we not all born to die?
Better yet, didn’t Beckett describe it best?, “…We are all born astride a grave…”?
I’d rather die working on the person I’m trying to become, than to regret the person who is now dead that is my past being, OR meet my future being who might be a bit more cranky than this particular incarnation of me in the present…
And how was your weekend?